How to feel more loved

How to feel more loved:

Having a deep ingrained feeling of being unloved and unloveable and maybe unworthy, unseen, lonely often comes from things that happened in our family growing up.

Thing like:

1. Having your feelings denied

"You' re sad?? I'll give you something to be sad about"

2. Complete lack of praise and constant criticism

turning little mistakes or failures into gigantic things

"You dropped a jar and broke it? Let me beat you so that you learn."

3. Lack of approval

"You can't date that boy. You can't go there. You can't dress like that. You can't choose this. Over my dead body. I made you, I'll kill you. No matter what you do - you are not good enough for me."

(Your emotions are wrong, your actions are wrong, your words are wrong, you' re wrong as a person altogether)

4. constant comparison with others (in your detriment)

"You got a 9 on your test and Johnny got a 9? Let me beat you, what's wrong with you, you' re stupid and worthless."

"You got a 10? But Susan also got a 10 so yours is worthless."

5. making you responsible for their negative feelings "You made daddy very angry. That's why he beat you and is trashing the house now."

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Here is one way to make yourself feel better:

Everyday for at least 1-3 months, give yourself:

VALIDATION

APPROVAL

PRAISE

1. Validation

Ask yourself how you feel. Then imagine yourself in front of you and say

"Yes- I acknowledge your feelings, you have the right

to feel this and that. I see your pain/fear/ etc. I am here with you. You are safe. It's safe to feel everything, I am by your side."

2. Approval

Tell yourself either in the mirror or in a letter:

"I approve of this and that action. I see you did your best. I am here to suport you no matter what happens."

3. Praise

Tell yourself either in the mirror or in a letter at least 7 things you appreciate yourself for. Include the smallest things: "You did such a great job there, your hair is so pretty, you are so kind and gentle."

Which one do you feel you need most?

Share this with someone who needs it.

#innerhealing

#coaching

#selfcompassion #selfempowerment